The meaning of hate

Dear blog,

What is hate to you?

What is the feeling of hate if you are granted emotions?

Honestly, I'm still searching for the answer.

For me, hate means a form of despair. Hate is a form of self-inflicted pain that cannot be described by words. Hate is a form of resentment. Hate is spite. Hate is jealousy. Hate is that feeling of pain when you see someone who have done you wrong. Hate is the feeling of yourself being engulfed by a sudden intense feeling that feeds on your rationality and character.

Dear blog,

I have always have this negative feeling about this particular person. I might put this negative energy as a form of hate.I hated the person from the bottom of my heart.I hated the way I was treated by him.I hated the way he smile at me.I hated the way our relationship have become. I never really like him and I feel that he too have a certain degree of resentment towards me. We despises each other and we are never shy in showing it.He was the bully and I was the victim.

The feeling of hatred existed between us. The feeling was very destructive. It was overwhelming. It consumed all my positive thoughts. It made me cursed my weakness. It made feel that I was worthless in life. It drives him to be more aggressive in treating and it drives me to hate him even deeper. I hated him. Hate was the only word that I can think of about the presence of this wretched fiend in my life. The seed of hatred was planted deep inside my heart, nourished by my inability to control my feelings and my hesitation in forgiveness.

We went our separate ways years ago and was reunited under the playful instruction of fate.Our reunion was short but it leaves a very deep mark in me.Just when I thought that I have loss the slightest respect for him, my facial muscles involuntarily moved and smiled at him.It happened so fast that I was unable to grasp the situation.It was as if all of the hatred and vindictive feelings that I had were vanquished by a sudden force.He nodded back and we went our separate ways again.

Was it forgiveness that I just gave him or it is merely a form of temporary truce?

Have all the hatred that I have cultivated in the abyss of my mind subdues?

For years, I have waited the time when I was strong enough to fight back with all of the suppressed feelings that festered in my heart. Clearly, I was amazed at how different I reacted during my last reunion with him. I hesitated in meeting with him and I am still confused of the sudden change that I have displayed during the encounter.

Perhaps it was because I have grown?

Perhaps all of the hate that I have for him has driven me to do better in life and to seek a chance to laugh back at him?

Perhaps my mind have evolved to such state that hate is no longer in me?

Perhaps it was an act of pride to my opponent? Patronizing him with my sudden act of forgiveness?

Perhaps it was a reflection of my state of happiness? Genuine happiness that was born out of the people I met and the experiences I gained?

Perhaps my wounds have healed a very long time ago without me ever noticing it?

Perhaps the hatred that I have was a indication of how weak I was and it was merely my way of putting the blame on him?

Perhaps I am longer troubled by painful memories of the past and choose the path towards a life without regrets and disappointment?

Perhaps I have evolved to another stage whereby I finally realized how excruciating it is to bear a grudge against someone for so long?

Perhaps it was time for me to move on?

Perhaps it was time for me to finally confront with my feelings?

Still, one thing remains certain.The hatred has gone and I do not hate him anymore.

That’s life I guess. We are often guided by our emotions in our daily endeavors. We often rely on our judgments that are unfortunately affected by negative emotions. Hatred, spite, vengeance, jealously, anger and pride are emotions that feed on our weak souls. We are not perfect and we cannot be devoid of emotions.

Negative emotions cannot be eradicated and it is a challenge for us to brace it.

It might be painful.

It might be humiliating.

It might be unbearable.

It might be hard.

But still, it is a necessity in life for us to fully understand our feelings and to fully understand how insignificant these negative thoughts are in comparison with the happiness at the end of our journey.

Forget about hate.

Forget about sadness.

Forget about all those feelings that pains you.

That’s life I believe.