Me? Turning older?

Dear blog,

I'm extremely sorry for not updating you for weeks and weeks.I've been busy, you see.

Dear blog,

I'll be turning 19 by the stroke of midnight and here I am wondering all of the things that I've been through for the past few years.

I recalled vividly my 18th birthday with me alone in my hostel, with no friends by my side. It was enjoyable at first doing things that I never dreamt of doing. Buying books that I never knew I enjoyed it. Eating foods abundantly found in the shopping complexes.

The experience was pleasant at first but the ecstatic feeling of being alone slowly evolved into a feeling of uneasiness slowly crawling over me. When I returned back to my hostel around 11 pm that night, I looked at the condition of my apartment(if it can be classified as an apartment).No one was there but me. No one was there to keep me company with the exception of my shadows dancing on the floor.

Just then, I realized that I have forgotten to reward myself with a piece of cake, as modern custom dictates as a necessity in a birthday celebration. As I lit the candle on top of an ordinary cake that I bought from a convenient store nearby, I closed my eyes and was contemplating on my birthday wish.

I began to wonder what I have done for the past 17 years.

I began to think of the tears that I shed. I began to think of the regrets that I have in life.

I began to think of the joyous moments that ever occurred in my life.

I began to think of the people around me.

I began to notice the change in my mentality and how it was different from my friends.

I began to think of myself as person-what I truly want in life.

As I blew away the flame of the short candle, darkness engulfed the room that I was in. Yet, a new light has been lit in me.

The light that guides me to go through every day with a smile.

The light that encourage me to wake from infinite dreams of uncertainties and despairs.

The light that motiovates me to work better next time.

It is human instinct to live and to survive. The primitive ability of man to rise from the defeats and despairs has always resulted in the birth of a new era. It has always been easy to strike down an old empire than to cultivate it. Life itself is like a game of war with each human has to conquer the fortress in him/her.

It is human nature for us to shirk from danger and to embrace the comfort zone. However, I do yearn for a challenge- the tasks of changing my self for the better and to live through hardships with steel-like determination.

That is the light that I’ve been talking about.

For my 19th Birthday, I wish for the same thing:
- to live life according to my standards and to expect the best from life!